Spam Critic: Situation Phramacrutical!
My dad always says, "If you're already there and working, you might as well do a great job."
The makers of Spam (junk email, not delicious meat product which - incidentally - is described by Spammy the mascot as "Pork shoulder and ham, mostly. And spices. Secret spices." - scary) have failed to impress me with their writing skills and general lack of work ethic. If you're going to do something, do it right!
Below, I have taken a few of the spam messages I received at work and pointed how these writers might have lost their way (that's as politely as I can say it). I've scrambled the addresses and naughty bits for the young and the sensitive.
First of all, verbs are free. Don't hesitate to use them. "**** is Hard as steel / ED store is proud to offer..." Secondly, Brendan (if that is your real name), I doubt most people would consider your 4,999,832 imaginary friends to be part of "[your] current 5 million happy users."
I'm confused. The subject promises one service while the body of the email offers another. Amidst all this confusion, how could I possibly be expected to click your over-sized link?!
Sometimes, misspellings spawn great words. "Phramacrutical" is easily the most fun I've had with a word for weeks. Use it in place of the words critical or crucial, and I promise it will be the highlight of your otherwise average day.
Alex N probably read the DaVinci Code one too many times and expects us to decode his message. That's not likely.
gctolegjs.snafaztyu.com? Wow! I almost typed that into my browser this morning just to see where it went. "find new girl in you area"?! I'll bet "Slavin" ran out of Spammer Poetry Magnets™ and couldn't form a cohesive sentence.
Since it is not in my best interest to reply to these grammatically unfortunate spammers, here is my plea to all of them:
Please, for the love of the English language and to better promote your business, learn to write a proper email message. That way, I won't be aggravated by your grammar which frees me up to be aggravated by your content instead.
The makers of Spam (junk email, not delicious meat product which - incidentally - is described by Spammy the mascot as "Pork shoulder and ham, mostly. And spices. Secret spices." - scary) have failed to impress me with their writing skills and general lack of work ethic. If you're going to do something, do it right!
Below, I have taken a few of the spam messages I received at work and pointed how these writers might have lost their way (that's as politely as I can say it). I've scrambled the addresses and naughty bits for the young and the sensitive.
First of all, verbs are free. Don't hesitate to use them. "**** is Hard as steel / ED store is proud to offer..." Secondly, Brendan (if that is your real name), I doubt most people would consider your 4,999,832 imaginary friends to be part of "[your] current 5 million happy users."
I'm confused. The subject promises one service while the body of the email offers another. Amidst all this confusion, how could I possibly be expected to click your over-sized link?!
Sometimes, misspellings spawn great words. "Phramacrutical" is easily the most fun I've had with a word for weeks. Use it in place of the words critical or crucial, and I promise it will be the highlight of your otherwise average day.
Alex N probably read the DaVinci Code one too many times and expects us to decode his message. That's not likely.
gctolegjs.snafaztyu.com? Wow! I almost typed that into my browser this morning just to see where it went. "find new girl in you area"?! I'll bet "Slavin" ran out of Spammer Poetry Magnets™ and couldn't form a cohesive sentence.
Since it is not in my best interest to reply to these grammatically unfortunate spammers, here is my plea to all of them:
Please, for the love of the English language and to better promote your business, learn to write a proper email message. That way, I won't be aggravated by your grammar which frees me up to be aggravated by your content instead.
posted by Steve Gravley at
Thursday, August 11, 2005
1 Comments:
Oh be nice. Spammers are just trying to feed their starving children like all the pimps and thugs on the street. Cut 'em a break!
I love how they change their grammar to get through all the spam filters. It's entertaining, but I learned to block all e-mails from a specific source so no matter what they try, they still can't feed their kids. I'm mean that way.
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Anonymous, at 11:45 AM
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